The Only Two Non-“Rules” You Need To Attract & Live Joyfully With Your Soul Mate

“What you seek is seeking you.”  ~ Rumi  (Hint #1)

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”   ~ Rumi  (Hint #2)

A few weeks ago I was listening to an interview with a dating coach on the topic of strong, powerful, entrepreneurial women in dating.  (Even if you don’t put yourself in that category, hang on, there’s another point.)  The focus of her advice was very much on external things you “should” do when meeting and dating your man; like sit back and let him approach you first, don’t talk about your career and your success right away with him, let him lead, and many other tips along those lines.

Now, I’m not saying I agree or disagree with any of those points or tips.  They may or may not be true depending on the guy.  I just think she was missing the point altogether.

And that is if you are not in alignment with the relationship you are seeking, none of those external behaviors are going to attract, and keep, the right guy.  They might work temporarily but at some point you will want to just be your self, and one or both of you will find that you’re not a good fit after all.


Aaaa!! You don’t need all these rules.

Though I think dating rules and advice can be helpful if it’s totally in alignment with the person receiving it, they are definitely not absolutes that fit for everyone – both women and men.

What does help then?  Okay, here are two not-rules I came up with as inspired by Abraham-Hicks teachings on the law of attraction and all the spiritual teachers before them with similar messages.

The two essential things you need to do to attract and be happy with your soul mate:

1)    Get very clear on what YOU want – in your life, in dating, in your relationship, in your partner.

2)    Get in alignment with what it is you want – feel good about it and believe it.

Yep. That’s it.

What does that look like?  Let’s use the example of the strong entrepreneurial woman (though this process works for anyone).

Step 1) Just like she does with her business, she needs to be very clear on her desires for her whole life picture.  She should write down how she visions her life.  Does she want marriage?  Kids?  How many?  Where does she want to live?  Does she want to stay home with the kids or work full time and have hubby stay with the kids or have a nanny? (Though there is a certain degree of being open in what you want, it’s important to know your deepest desires because you want a partner whose desires match yours.) 

Those are the practical things but she should even be more detailed on the deeper soul level.  What kind of man is her husband?  How does he speak to her and the family?  How do you spend your alone time together?  What is your sex life like?  Is he spiritual?  What is your life purpose and how will your relationship help each other along those paths?

This process of clarity will continue for her as she lives her daily life, experiences various contrast in the dating process, and becomes more clear about her true soul desires rather than the ego desires.  In some cases she might realize she wants something very different than she originally thought – like she might realize a man that is a little more passive and strong in HIS feminine nature would be a better fit for her and as a father for her children.

Either way, this clarity she has gained has brought her to the energetic place of drawing in and receiving the man that is going to best fit with her.  And LOVE her for who she is.


It feels like this – woohoo!

Step 2) Now if she feels great about who this guy is and totally believes it’s possible and is excited about it, awesome!  She’s ready to get out and meet people while totally being herself because she knows this guy that she envisions will totally appreciate all of her qualities, strong and vulnerable alike.

If she has some resistance or limiting belief like, “Yeah right, that kind of guy doesn’t exist,” then she needs to work on coming into alignment with her vision of her ideal relationship.

This may or may not include transmuting energy and old beliefs, clearing resistance to love, reframing parental and past relationship situations, and learning to be open to receiving the love this man wants to shower on her.

Once she is in alignment with the relationship that she wants to be in and she meets a guy, her “behaviors” will come out naturally because she’s acting in accordance with her alignment of her desires.  This man will be drawn to her and he will be able to just be himself because he is in alignment with HIS desires for a relationship.

And because they are both in alignment they are a vibrational match, and their partnership journey unfolds easily and naturally without rules, without pretending, without behaving how they think the other wants them to.

In conclusion, external fixes and rules and behaviors only draw in another person who isn’t clear and isn’t in alignment with his desires as well.  A relationship built that way is based on fears (of losing someone) and cannot last.  At least joyfully.  However, a relationship starting with a foundation of soul clarity and alignment feels natural, flows and is a lasting, good feeling, spiritual journey together.

If you enjoyed this article and found it helpful please share it with anyone you feel may benefit from it!  Let’s spread consciousness and awareness in love!

With Love & Joy,


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  1. Ginny P

    I used to follow many dating coaches and they all had different advice, some I followed and some I didn't. Like you said there are no recipes, it's all about doing what's in alignment with our goals and resonates with us. I don't need a guy to call me Wednesday for a Friday date. Maybe he decided to do it on the spur of the moment or yes, maybe I wasn't the first option. When we listen to our bodies and we're present, we can sense this type of thing. If we ask in a respectful way, he can clarify and if the answer doesn't feel right, we just let him go and integrate the experience.

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