Why Do Smart and Successful Women Struggle In Love?
Do Smart and Successful Women Struggle With Love?
Much of the entertainment world was shocked when long-time bachelor George Clooney finally got married to the smart and successful, Amal Alamuddin. Granted she is beautiful, too, but so were all of his previous girlfriends, so she isn’t unusual in that respect. What was part of the pleasant surprise (besides him finally committing) was that she was well-educated and highly successful in her own career.
This highly publicized match suddenly gave validation, and much needed hope, to all intelligent and successful women that were still waiting to meet their soulmate. See? Men DO love smart, successful women.
Then Why Is Love Still So Tough For Smart Ladies?
Not so fast, though. It isn’t as simple as that. When I did some digging on the web, I found some very contradicting responses. I found a Quora forum where men gave a resounding, “Yes!” that they love intelligent women.
And I also found a 2015 study by Park, Young, and Eastwick that demonstrated that men were more attracted to women more intelligent than them from afar, but were less attracted to them when those same women were nearby.
Disappointing results to say the least. So what gives, Clooney? What made Amal the one for you? (And, yes, I’m unfairly and very unscientifically assuming that Amal is more intelligent than Clooney in this scenario.)
I hoped to provide more actual evidence to illuminate some wisdom around this enigma of why it seems men love but don’t really love intelligent and successful women. However, given there’s so much gray area and no substantial evidence on this topic, I’m going just to relay a few important points I’ve heard from men personally and that I’ve observed in the years I’ve been coaching smart, successful women.
What do men say about smart, successful women?
There are two comments from male friends over the years that stick out in my memory:
“She’s been in business so long; she just doesn’t know how to be sexy anymore.”
This was a male friend that was set up on a blind date with a successful, corporate woman. He said she was great; she just wasn’t sexy. No sexy, no interest. She was so tuned into her masculine qualities that made her so successful in her career that she neglected her feminine attributes that would attract men. So in her particular case, it wasn’t her intelligence or success that turned him off, rather it was her lack of femininity.
“She was bossy, and I don’t like being bossed around.”
When I asked a friend why he didn’t hit it off with a highly intelligent woman he was introduced to he said he immediately picked up on her bossiness and what he perceived was her “analyzing” him. Again, it wasn’t that her intelligence turned him off, but rather the qualities that made her great in her career were turns off in love.
What I’ve noticed about many smart, successful women in love and relationships.
In addition to what the guys above told me, over the years of coaching intelligent and driven women, the ONE commonality I’ve noticed that seems to work against attracting the right partner is trying to make love happen, strive for it, like it’s any other business-related pursuit.
In my opinion, many smart, career women are so used to achieving with this approach but don’t know how to “shut it off” in the dating scenario. Unfortunately, this approach has her in chase-mode, going for the wrong man, for the wrong reasons, and closes her off to the man that could potentially love her and offer her the world.
Trusting and having patience while remaining open to the love that presents itself is an enormous paradigm shift for the analytical, independent woman who’s used to getting everything done herself.
How can intelligent and successful women go after AND stay open to love?
By taking small actions that might lead you to meet your soulmate within your control. This could be asking friends to set you up, going to events, joining Meetup groups, online dating, etc. This is where your brain can be deliberate about finding love.
Then sit back, enjoy the journey, and trust that the right person for you will come at just the right time. Be open to someone that’s genuinely interested in getting to know you. That’s the man who will love you for your in-depth mind and your open heart.
George Clooney recently told David Letterman that he didn’t initially think Amal had any interest in him and that they began their friendship just emailing each other. Perhaps she only played it cool; we have no idea.
But I’d like to imagine that she just relaxed knowing that even if nothing developed between them it was okay because she knew she was terrific, had her purpose in life (humanitarian work), and was ready to be open to the man who wanted to marry her.
Are you a fantastic, smart woman ready to find your soulmate?
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