Six Musts Before Diving Into Dating After a Breakup
Take these steps before a breakup sends you back out into the dating world.
It’s tempting to think dating after a breakup is just what you need to heal and move on.
And though dating immediately might not necessarily be a bad thing depending on your circumstances, there are ways to go about it more deliberately to avoid diving back into the twin of the relationship from which you just became liberated.
Here are six crucial steps to take before jumping back into dating after a breakup.
Feel the pain of the breakup.
Of course, you don’t want to do this. Who does? As crazy as it sounds, allowing yourself to feel the heartbreak and full emotional spectrum that comes with it is healthy. It seems counter-intuitive but profoundly feeling the loss of love acts as sort of a cleansing process and lets this temporary state move on and out. Additionally, the upsetting emotions can serve as a powerful motivator for significant change in how and who you date, allowing you to attract something different. Skip the ice cream, alcohol, or busyness with work that numbs your pain. Just feel it.
Be consciously aware of your emotions as time passes.
You might feel sadness, then anger, then back to grief, then anger, then decisiveness, then anger again, then hopeful, and so on. It’s all good. When you become consciously aware of your feelings, you can begin to tap into why, what went wrong, and what you would do differently this time without those emotions making decisions for you. Journaling your experience or meditating are great ways to tune inwards.
Get clarity about want you want in a relationship now.
Don’t leap back out without creating a clear idea of what you’re looking for in a relationship and partner now. If you don’t take this time, you will continue to let your relationships be a slave to chemistry, connection, and attraction. Not that any of those things are wrong, they just aren’t empowering reasons for choosing a partner who may not be a good match for you long-term.
Tap into your positive motivation for wanting love and tune out your need for a relationship.
Instead of desiring love because you’re tired of being alone, your clock is ticking, or you’re bored – discover the real juicy ways having love will add to your already complete life. Better motivations for seeking a soulmate include, but are not limited to, opening up to new ways of showing love, being ready to grow spiritually in partnership, or the desire to expand your love with a family. These reasons will get you excited and energized, instead of feeling needy and anxious, about the love coming into your life.
Cultivate an unattached attitude while going on with your life.
This can be tricky if you’re a go-getter used to going after what you want. Just. Let. It. Go. Love will come to you. When you allow the love that loves you back to go to you unattached one of two things happen: 1) you attract a partner that wholeheartedly wants to commit to you and mirror that love and 2) you are free to love without any worry of potential breakup or loss. You are merely free to live your life.
Take deliberate action that might lead you to your soulmate.
Now you are ready to take some action. Now that you have clarity about who your soulmate is and the relationship you want begin taking small steps that might bring you together. The possibilities are endless: take workshops, go to Meetups, ask friends if they know anyone single that might be a good fit for you, start online dating, talk to strangers when you’re out, etc. After all, you’re unattached so, any of these activities are just icing on the cake.
Once you’ve got a pretty good handle on these steps, you are ready to get back out there and find love.
Want to know what else you can do to attract your soulmate? Get the free video lesson The 6 Practices of Women Who Find Their Soulmate right here.