men won't approach women in public

The Shocking Reasons Men Won’t Approach Women

I had to get to the bottom of why men won’t approach women in public anymore.

So I did what any reasonable person would do and Googled it. Up came a very long Quora discussion about it.

Though I wouldn’t recommend reading the entire page, as it can be quite a downer, there were some significant pieces of insight that might be helpful if you’ve been wondering why men won’t approach you.

Here are the highlights of why men won’t approach women:

men won't approach women in public

They are frightened of women and afraid they will be put down.

They fear rejection from a woman.

They suffer from their own self-image issues.

Genuine conversations without some ulterior motive are no longer the norm.

There isn’t a proper place to approach a woman without being creepy.

They are busy and don’t have time for dating.

Dating online has made it so much easier.

Women can be offended by a stranger approaching her.

Women act oblivious to his approach.

Women play games with men.

Men don’t want to be accused of being a rapist.

And perhaps the most depressing answer of all…

Because men can get their “needs” met anywhere, all the time, so they don’t need to work for it.

unapproachable woman

There was a whole lot more, but you get the idea.

Men not approaching women boiled down to these two main issues:

Men don’t want to be a creepy, rapist guy.

Women can be very rude to them.

You got to give men credit here. By not approaching women, they are respectful. They are providing women what they believe they want: to be left alone.

However, as a woman that was on the receiving end of this years ago and hearing this complaint from so many female clients and community members, I can assure anyone reading this that single women do want to be approached by men.

So, ladies, if you want to meet single men and they aren’t approaching you in public, what can you do in light of all the doubts above?

men approaching women at a bar

Be nice and be polite to everyone you interact with. If you’re smiling and looking happy while you’re chatting with the barista, then someone observing you might think you seem like a cool person to talk to.

Be kind to a man that talks to you, even if you aren’t interested. He made an effort and it’s a compliment. If you’re busy and don’t wish to chat, then a simple, “It was nice chatting with you, but I have to answer this work email now. Have a beautiful day,” will do.

If anyone compliments you, say thank you. The most crushing response to a compliment is when the person complimented turns it around and insults the person who gave it. Graciously, say thank you.

Go to events and places that are conducive to conversation, like classes, Meetup groups, church, or workshops. It’s far less intimidating than approaching someone at Peet’s or a bar.

Ask to be set up by friends and acquaintances. Having someone that knows you pretty well connect you with a guy is the perfect way to meet someone without needing him to approach you first.

Online dating. Just do it. It’s all about the numbers. Approximately 40% of Americans are using online dating, and a majority of them are men. You can get to know a lot about a man before even deciding to meet him in person. Nice men that make excellent partners are more comfortable dating online than approaching women in person. It’s how I met my husband. Have I mentioned how awesome I think online dating can be? If you aren’t meeting men in any other way currently, then it would benefit you to get to it now.

Perhaps this sheds some light on the modern dilemma of why men aren’t approaching women in public anymore.

Perhaps it’s frustrating, too. However, knowledge is power, and I believe knowing these real responses from men will allow you to make more deliberate dating choices that lead you to your soulmate.

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Comments

  1. Holli

    What are your thoughts about “dropping the white flag” approach? Being the one that does some encouraging on your end as a woman to get a conversation going and then finding a way to casually get your number into his hands…then letting him take it from there?

    1. Dina Robison

      If that works, then that’s great! I would just be unattached to the outcome of whether he’s going to get in contact or not.

  2. Pingback: 10 Surefire Ways To Spot Players - Deliberately Attract Your Soulmate

  3. John

    Dina – excellent points. But women will not listen to you. And the consequences of being accused of being a rapist or creepy are so dire that men will not take the risk. Sure it’s only a few women who would do that, but we can’t tell them apart.

    Women can help with this by calling out their sisters who make false accusations or make it a sport to see how rudely they can reject men. They need to realize that this behavior hurts all women, and therefore all women need to be involved in fixing it. Men don’t have any incentive to get involved; as you said we can get our needs met elsewhere.

  4. James

    I doubt that many people will read my comment on some three months old article, but if you do so read this comment, Thank you.
    I can say with 100% certainty. That most of the items on that starting list are many of the reasons to why wouldn’t approach a woman in public. Let alone dare start a relationship.
    +Being put down in public is both an embarrassment and an insult. Combining this with a low self-esteem just absolutely crushed my soul.
    +Rejection hurts, especially with the aforementioned low self-esteem. I really need to work on it, because I am just down on myself in general. (I should stop reading things about white men being the abomination of the earth. That may help… lol)
    +I mention self-esteem two times already! 😀
    +A classroom and the working environments are the only non-creepy environments out there, but #metoo killed the workplace out. A simple shoulder pat for some reason can be considered sexual harassment.
    +I draw, code, and hang out with my friends and family. I wouldn’t say I am the busiest, but having a girlfriend would chew up my free time.
    +I’ve never been yelled at for approaching someone, but I always asked one simple question. Usually for a school survey.
    +I’ve never really approached a woman for a romantic relationship, so I can’t really tell with this one.
    +Most of my high school friends were female. Yep.
    +Due to my “excellent” ability to socialize. I accidentally ask a female classmate if I could walk her to her room. I am a computer science major. Aka the nerd who sucks at talking! It has almost been five months and I still feel bad about it. I am probably some creepy now. xD
    +I indeed can meet all my needs. With the excess of porn, fun video games, and two hobbies. I have all the stuff I need. Inviting a woman who doesn’t share any of interest would be more of a nuisance to me. My video games, hobbies, and me time will be interrupted with dates and spending time with her.

    Well, there is my little list speaking about that list in the article. Sorry if it is too long, but I doubt I can shorten it. My comment is almost over for those who have continued on my wordy trek.

    My intentions on ever approaching a woman or even accepting one approach whom of approached me are close to nil. Even if it is the perfect girl in terms of looks and attitude to my every description. From two nasty insults by my first crush, the small story regarding me and a female classmate, the painful divorce courts, and the #metoo movement making me hyperaware with all my movements. I can safely say for the next three years or maybe even longer. I doubt I will ever try to be romantic with a woman.

    For those curious about the insults. They came from my best friend of roughly four years. I never asked her out or even intended to due to how shy I was. The first insult was on my birthday too which made it really stung and my *twin* sister sided with her. I presented some factually correct data to the two of them which proved them wrong. However, my friend responded with “You can’t say anything because you are a man.”

    The second insult came towards the end of highschool when my best friend, another good female friend, and my sister openly laughed at me when saying a woman shouldn’t be forced into the draft as men. All the while marching for equality. It was akin to them telling me, as a man. That I am worthless to them.

    I was insulted on my birthday. I was insulted on the day of an award ceremony for having a GPA (weighted) of greater than a 4.0. It burned beyond belief and it has finally been an entire year since then. I am merely surprised I can call them friends still.

    1. Dina Robison

      Thank you for your input, James. It’s disheartening to hear, both your experiences with women and that you don’t think a relationship is worth pursuing but I appreciate your perspective. My hope is that women reading this blog will be more aware about how difficult it can be in a man’s shoes. Maybe as time goes by you will feel differently about finding real love. I wasn’t really ready myself until my mid-30’s, so I can totally relate.

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