men won't approach women in public

The Shocking Reasons Men Won’t Approach Women

I had to get to the bottom of why men won’t approach women in public anymore.

So I did what any reasonable person would do and Googled it. Up came a very long Quora discussion about it.

Though I wouldn’t recommend reading the entire page, as it can be quite a downer, there were some significant pieces of insight that might be helpful if you’ve been wondering why men won’t approach you.

Here are the highlights of why men won’t approach women:

men won't approach women in public

They are frightened of women and afraid they will be put down.

They fear rejection from a woman.

They suffer from their own self-image issues.

Genuine conversations without some ulterior motive are no longer the norm.

There isn’t a proper place to approach a woman without being creepy.

They are busy and don’t have time for dating.

Dating online has made it so much easier.

Women can be offended by a stranger approaching her.

Women act oblivious to his approach.

Women play games with men.

Men don’t want to be accused of being a rapist.

And perhaps the most depressing answer of all…

Because men can get their “needs” met anywhere, all the time, so they don’t need to work for it.

unapproachable woman

There was a whole lot more, but you get the idea.

Men not approaching women boiled down to these two main issues:

Men don’t want to be a creepy, rapist guy.

Women can be very rude to them.

You got to give men credit here. By not approaching women, they are respectful. They are providing women what they believe they want: to be left alone.

However, as a woman that was on the receiving end of this years ago and hearing this complaint from so many female clients and community members, I can assure anyone reading this that single women do want to be approached by men.

So, ladies, if you want to meet single men and they aren’t approaching you in public, what can you do in light of all the doubts above?

men approaching women at a bar

Be nice and be polite to everyone you interact with. If you’re smiling and looking happy while you’re chatting with the barista, then someone observing you might think you seem like a cool person to talk to.

Be kind to a man that talks to you, even if you aren’t interested. He made an effort and it’s a compliment. If you’re busy and don’t wish to chat, then a simple, “It was nice chatting with you, but I have to answer this work email now. Have a beautiful day,” will do.

If anyone compliments you, say thank you. The most crushing response to a compliment is when the person complimented turns it around and insults the person who gave it. Graciously, say thank you.

Go to events and places that are conducive to conversation, like classes, Meetup groups, church, or workshops. It’s far less intimidating than approaching someone at Peet’s or a bar.

Ask to be set up by friends and acquaintances. Having someone that knows you pretty well connect you with a guy is the perfect way to meet someone without needing him to approach you first.

Online dating. Just do it. It’s all about the numbers. Approximately 40% of Americans are using online dating, and a majority of them are men. You can get to know a lot about a man before even deciding to meet him in person. Nice men that make excellent partners are more comfortable dating online than approaching women in person. It’s how I met my husband. Have I mentioned how awesome I think online dating can be? If you aren’t meeting men in any other way currently, then it would benefit you to get to it now.

Perhaps this sheds some light on the modern dilemma of why men aren’t approaching women in public anymore.

Perhaps it’s frustrating, too. However, knowledge is power, and I believe knowing these real responses from men will allow you to make more deliberate dating choices that lead you to your soulmate.

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  1. Holli

    What are your thoughts about “dropping the white flag” approach? Being the one that does some encouraging on your end as a woman to get a conversation going and then finding a way to casually get your number into his hands…then letting him take it from there?

    1. Dina Robison

      If that works, then that’s great! I would just be unattached to the outcome of whether he’s going to get in contact or not.

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