The Shocking Reasons Men Won’t Approach Women

15 Responses

  1. Holli says:

    What are your thoughts about “dropping the white flag” approach? Being the one that does some encouraging on your end as a woman to get a conversation going and then finding a way to casually get your number into his hands…then letting him take it from there?

    • Dina Robison says:

      If that works, then that’s great! I would just be unattached to the outcome of whether he’s going to get in contact or not.

  2. John says:

    Dina – excellent points. But women will not listen to you. And the consequences of being accused of being a rapist or creepy are so dire that men will not take the risk. Sure it’s only a few women who would do that, but we can’t tell them apart.

    Women can help with this by calling out their sisters who make false accusations or make it a sport to see how rudely they can reject men. They need to realize that this behavior hurts all women, and therefore all women need to be involved in fixing it. Men don’t have any incentive to get involved; as you said we can get our needs met elsewhere.

  3. James says:

    I doubt that many people will read my comment on some three months old article, but if you do so read this comment, Thank you.
    I can say with 100% certainty. That most of the items on that starting list are many of the reasons to why wouldn’t approach a woman in public. Let alone dare start a relationship.
    +Being put down in public is both an embarrassment and an insult. Combining this with a low self-esteem just absolutely crushed my soul.
    +Rejection hurts, especially with the aforementioned low self-esteem. I really need to work on it, because I am just down on myself in general. (I should stop reading things about white men being the abomination of the earth. That may help… lol)
    +I mention self-esteem two times already! 😀
    +A classroom and the working environments are the only non-creepy environments out there, but #metoo killed the workplace out. A simple shoulder pat for some reason can be considered sexual harassment.
    +I draw, code, and hang out with my friends and family. I wouldn’t say I am the busiest, but having a girlfriend would chew up my free time.
    +I’ve never been yelled at for approaching someone, but I always asked one simple question. Usually for a school survey.
    +I’ve never really approached a woman for a romantic relationship, so I can’t really tell with this one.
    +Most of my high school friends were female. Yep.
    +Due to my “excellent” ability to socialize. I accidentally ask a female classmate if I could walk her to her room. I am a computer science major. Aka the nerd who sucks at talking! It has almost been five months and I still feel bad about it. I am probably some creepy now. xD
    +I indeed can meet all my needs. With the excess of porn, fun video games, and two hobbies. I have all the stuff I need. Inviting a woman who doesn’t share any of interest would be more of a nuisance to me. My video games, hobbies, and me time will be interrupted with dates and spending time with her.

    Well, there is my little list speaking about that list in the article. Sorry if it is too long, but I doubt I can shorten it. My comment is almost over for those who have continued on my wordy trek.

    My intentions on ever approaching a woman or even accepting one approach whom of approached me are close to nil. Even if it is the perfect girl in terms of looks and attitude to my every description. From two nasty insults by my first crush, the small story regarding me and a female classmate, the painful divorce courts, and the #metoo movement making me hyperaware with all my movements. I can safely say for the next three years or maybe even longer. I doubt I will ever try to be romantic with a woman.

    For those curious about the insults. They came from my best friend of roughly four years. I never asked her out or even intended to due to how shy I was. The first insult was on my birthday too which made it really stung and my *twin* sister sided with her. I presented some factually correct data to the two of them which proved them wrong. However, my friend responded with “You can’t say anything because you are a man.”

    The second insult came towards the end of highschool when my best friend, another good female friend, and my sister openly laughed at me when saying a woman shouldn’t be forced into the draft as men. All the while marching for equality. It was akin to them telling me, as a man. That I am worthless to them.

    I was insulted on my birthday. I was insulted on the day of an award ceremony for having a GPA (weighted) of greater than a 4.0. It burned beyond belief and it has finally been an entire year since then. I am merely surprised I can call them friends still.

    • Dina Robison says:

      Thank you for your input, James. It’s disheartening to hear, both your experiences with women and that you don’t think a relationship is worth pursuing but I appreciate your perspective. My hope is that women reading this blog will be more aware about how difficult it can be in a man’s shoes. Maybe as time goes by you will feel differently about finding real love. I wasn’t really ready myself until my mid-30’s, so I can totally relate.

  4. David says:

    It’s due to a mix. Creep-shaming, including possible accusations of sexual harassment, as well as brutal rejections deter a lot of men, and that includes watching it happen to other men or reading about women complaining about getting approached online. But the second factor is online dating. Men don’t need to worry about any of that as long as you can date that way, without having to deal with the real-world consequences if a woman you proposition doesn’t like you.

    • Dina Robison says:

      Thank you so much for your input! I highly encourage women to go online, it’s a great way to meet men that aren’t players.

  5. Kieth says:

    I would never approach women in public in this day and age. I used to in my 20s and was often shamed and insulted. I noticed a behavior pattern amongst a lot of women – if they are not interested in a guy, they would often shame and give an angry disgusted look at you but if they are attracted to a guy, they would be very nice and polite. I guess maybe they don’t realize how hard it is for us guys to approach. Anyway, now that I am in my 30s, I feel pretty content and enjoy my own company a great deal. I have a few women interested in me but they are mostly over 35 and I don’t feel like pursuing a relationship with them.

    • Dina Robison says:

      Sorry to hear that, Kieth. Yes, sometimes women can be horrible to guys. I hope this post and the comments are eye-opening.

  6. antonia says:

    Women are concerned mainly with their security. And in this age of Kardashians and Paris Hilton, most women think of themselves as Cinderellas who will get the next available prince. I have seen that women will put up with a complete moronic, unclassy, even criminal, boor, as long as he can provide life-long security. About 3% of men are millionaires and those are the ones 80% of ALL women want (no matter how plain-looking or poor the woman may be). Dina, you are looking at the opposite end of the telescope.

  7. antonia says:

    Kieth should pursue the women who want him, rather than the ones who DON’T want him. Doesn’t he GET IT? Find a MOTIVATED BUYER. Don’t find a reluctant, resistant buyer. Kieth, are you nuts? You won’t find happiness with someone who DOESN’T want you, but wants ‘something’ else (a lot more dollars than you have.)

    • John2 says:

      I think Keith is more interested in finding happiness being single. He doesn’t care about the fact that there are women who want him and he doesn’t care about the women who aren’t into him. He’s just doing his own thing and is happier for it.

  8. John2 says:

    In my experience I just lost interest in dsting and relationships. I’ve been this way for roughly 3 years now, since I was 21.

    I just got bored of the approaching and not really getting anywhere. The odd time I would things really wouldn’t end well so I just decided to put time, and energy into myself and my life and save my money.

    Overall I’m a lot happier for it. I’ve just been focussing on my hobbies, my career, improving my life and my friends. I finished university and these things have been way more fulfilling than approaching women and being in a relationship with them has been.

    I don’t feel negatively about women or dating at all. I have a good mix of female friends and have fulfilling friendships with them. I may date in the future but right now I just have no motivation to do so.

    I’m happy with my life and I feel there are a lot of guys out there like me. I don’t have stats or anything just a feeling.

    Maybe I’m just weird like that.

  1. May 2, 2018

    […] For most guys, it’s torture approaching a pretty lady, let alone conversing with one they don’t know without stumbling on their words. No matter how compatible you might be with someone, first conversations are naturally awkward. Therefore, if he seems quite at home talking with you the very first time, it might be because he’s used to chatting it up with a lot of women. […]

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