Being Too Picky In Your Soul Mate Search?

As a person that tends to err on the side of…particular, shall we say, I can sooooo totally relate to this topic.

The truth is that you may very well be too picky if you’ve wanted a soul mate partner for a very long time and still haven’t found someone that meets all of your expectations.  But only you can determine whether you would benefit from letting go of some less important expectations or not.

Most important is to be clear on the qualities and values that are crucial to you with a balance of reality.  You can certainly find a partner that is loving, loyal, communicative, giving, and kind…but please remember at the end of the day…he will probably be human.  And you will be, too.  And you need to be okay with all the human functions (bodily, for example) that go with that; all the un-sexy things that aren’t ever featured in the movies.

being picky about soul mate

So how can you determine whether you’re being too picky? 

Answer this: When you think about your ideal soul mate partner and partnership is it believable to you that that exists somewhere in the world?  Do you know of anyone who is in such a partnership?

If you answered “yes” to those questions then it is very likely that you have real but high standards – which you very well should – but if you answered “no” then perhaps you need to bring your idea of a soul mate partner back down to reality.

If you are finding yourself saying things like, “The kind of man I want doesn’t grow on trees,” then that affirms you don’t actually believe you will find your soul mate.  And according to the Law of Attraction if you don’t believe it, you won’t receive it.  Getting into alignment with the partnership you want means you actually believe and feel it can happen for you.

Soul Mate, couple, love, family

Some ideas for getting back into alignment:

1)    Know your soul mate’s non-negotiable traits – values and soul qualities like honesty and integrity – AND the negotiable traits – more surface qualities like specific physical features and what he does for a living.  Specificity with non-negotiable traits is great but allow yourself to be more general with the negotiables.  For example, instead of expecting a guy to be totally cut like Daniel Craig, open your mind up to someone who takes good care of his health, which can mean many important things but appear a lot of different ways.  Make sense?

2)    Look for (but don’t flirt with please) real life men who are the type of partner in their relationships that you want with your soul mate partner, even if it’s only some of the qualities.  You might notice, “Oh, I like how he and his wife go to church together,” or “I love that he says really nice things about his wife in front of others.”  This merges your idea of a soul mate partnership with reality and brings it that much closer to coming into your life.

3)    Continually be open to meeting different people but always holding the vision of your soul mate’s values and soul qualities.  It may take a while to get to know someone’s for his soul qualities to see if he matches with your non-negotiables.  So in the meantime don’t get derailed by his negotiables.  Keep your eyes on the prize, and off his pecs.  😉

4)    Remember you’re an awesome but real person, too.  And though you don’t exactly grow on trees either here you are looking for your soul mate, which means he’s out there looking for you, too.  And can’t wait to meet you.

These simple suggestions can help you avoid the picky person curse and align your highest vision of your soul mate partnership with reality.  And bring him out of your fantasies and into your life.


Do you think you’re being too picky?  What can you let go of?  Please comment below and if you liked this article then please share!

Want to know more about deliberately attracting your soul mate?  If you liked this then you will enjoy my two audios, Six Ways To Begin Deliberately Attracting Your Soul Mate Now and Five Ways To Shift Into Love.  Please sign up at the top of the page to download them for free!
With Love,
Attract Your Soul Mate Coach
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2 Responses

  1. Ginny P says:

    I did the exercise and 3 men I know came to my mind, not a single one has all the things I'm looking for but if I had a man like any of them, I'd be happy. These 3 men have a few things in common, they're all very masculine, protective of their wives, handy around the house, good fathers and strong Christian values. One of them isn't particularly romantic but I suppose I can negotiate that, the other one is the boring type (he doesn't like to go out with friends much but he doesn't stop his wife from doing it) and the other one isn't very ambitious, nor career oriented, so with a man like him I'd have to settle for a much simple lifestyle. The latter one can be a deal breaker actually.

  2. That's great, Ginny, that you were able to appreciate things about them even though they didn't meet every single criteria you want!

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