To Be Physical Or Not To Be Physical

Too many amazing, beautiful, and wonderful women who are looking for soul mate love are expending their time, energy, bodies, and emotions on the wrong guys.  And ultimately getting their hearts broken.  Perhaps I’m writing this article for a younger version of myself, too, because I used to fall into the same trap of physical infatuation only to find myself single again mere months later.  Or to not even be considered relationship material at all!

So below are my thoughts about being intimate while dating to meet a soul mate partner…

 love passion intimacy couple

Please note: I’m intentionally avoiding “adult” buzzwords, so if this piece sounds at times like it was written by Dear Abby – that is why.  And of course this is written for women who are ready to find the one, a long-term soul mate partner.

There isn’t any one specific rule that is right for everyone.  When it comes to what you feel is right, knowing yourself better than anyone else, your decision first and foremost must be in alignment with you and the type of relationship you desire.

With that in mind if you’re at the point where you are ready to attract your soul mate, it is in your best interest to wait a while before getting physically intimate with someone you’re dating.  I mean, a WHILE.  Long enough to get to know him.  Long enough for you to truly be yourself around him.  Long enough to love him with your heart first.  Long enough to know you are in a committed, long-term relationship with him.

Who’s to say how long that is for you.  For some that might be months.  For others, even longer.  Personally, I waited until my wedding night and know others that have, too.

The feminist movement has brought us many freedoms that I’m extremely grateful for, but something has been lost in the romance department.  In our stark female independence we no longer “need” a partner but we still need human connection and love.  So that need has somehow been replaced with sensual physical affection and intimacy without the foundation of getting to know someone that was customarily required in the past.

 lips love passion lust

In the western culture women have somehow tried to keep up with men in adopting their very physical love style.  And this has become so engrained in the culture that many women nowadays confuse lust and infatuation with real love.

Chemistry, lust, and attraction are not love.

And as much as women may say they can separate love from pure intimacy, rarely is this true.  Ladies, we are quite different than men.  When you get physical with someone you are deeply attracted to, you become emotionally bonded.  It’s in your physical chemistry but that’s not the case for a man.  Sadly, a man has the ability to get intimate even when he KNOWS (and in most cases he already knows this in my opinion) you are not his soul mate. 

A man does not love every woman he is attracted to – as this would probably cause a worldwide collapse because they are attracted (physically) to any and every beautiful woman!  But a man loves a woman for who she is, completely independent of whether he gets his hands on her or not.

So smart, independent, and beautiful women of the world: it’s entirely up to you to decide when it is right for you, not him, to get physical with him.  In the beginning of your relationships, take your time.  Let him learn to love you for who you are.  Allow him to show you acts of love that come from the heart.  Establish higher qualities of generosity, respect, admiration, and unconditional love together before complicating it with physical pleasure – which can become about a selfish need if not grounded in the other qualities.

And if he pushes or can’t handle that…he is not your soul mate.  Period.

 love passion intimacy lust

The bottom line is this – if his actions have not demonstrated that he loves you with his heart then he doesn’t deserve getting love from your body.  It is up to you to decide that you will no longer accept a “love” that is based only on a physical connection and to hold out for your real soul mate love.


Agree or disagree with holding out physically?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, please comment below!  And if this article speaks to you and you know other women that need to hear this, then please share it.

Want to know more about deliberately attracting your soul mate?  If you liked this then you will enjoy my two audios, Six Ways To Begin Deliberately Attracting Your Soul Mate Now and Five Ways To Shift Into Love.  Please sign up at the top of the page to download them for free!

With Love,

Attract Your Soul Mate Coach

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10 Responses

  1. Another great blog Dina!

  2. Ginny P says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with you on this one. There's a reason all religions preach about chastity until marriage and while in my case, I don't necessarily feel we have to wait that long but we as women should make sure we have an understanding of where we want the relationship to go and in my case I require an agreement to longevity, continuity and exclusivity

  3. Great article Dina-It is interesting though how some claim to be so enlightened and use the term "intimacy" as a way to get their sexual desires met and when you say no, they try to manipulate the situation by making such claims as, formulaic, rigid thinking, closed-minded, fearful etc., That is the perfect time to tell them to tell their story walking… It is their issue, not yours. Again, great post Dina.

  4. Leslie, thank you for bringing up such a great point! Though I don't think sexuality should be suppressed by any means, I have been disturbed by how it's used and casually thrown about in supposed spiritual circles (ie, the western yoga world). You're right, the issue is theirs not yours!

  5. Julissa Rodriguez says:

    When you find your soulmate .. It’s love at first sight !!

    There will be chemistry, passion, respect and admiration all together at the same time .. There will be deeply connection and deep care..

    When you meet and then separate, you feel emptyness inside your heart and your soul.. You always think about each other deeply and with respect.. The feeling, the passion, the importance of anything said or done is very deep and it feel pain, hurt and lost ..
    I know .. I have met my soulmate and we are separated 1 year 6 months now .. Im in pain and lost since that time.. I feel emptyness for the first time in my life ..

    • Dina Robison says:

      Julissa, thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry you’re feeling pain and going through this. Sending you lots of loving thoughts and healing that the resolution to this will unfold in the highest and best way.

      • Julissa Rodriguez says:

        Thanks dina ..
        Im sharing this because i least i know and experience my other half. I want all of you to know that our other half is out there waiting for us .. So don’t give up ..
        They are searching for us, too.

        Once you find each other.. It’s amazing the life you will have together .. Just have faith and search ..

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