Does Doing All the Giving in Relationships Leave You Feeling Drained?
Learn To Stop Doing All the Giving With This Meditation
Do you find yourself doing everything, or mostly everything, in your romantic relationships? Does dating or being in a relationship leave you feeling drained?
That was my experience years ago. What began as exciting and fun would eventually leave me feeling drained and ill. By the age of 33 I knew I had to change the way I was being in romantic relationships or I would never be happy and healthy in them.
Over the next few years I discovered a very interesting imbalance in myself that was causing this repeated pattern in my life – I love giving but I really struggled with being able to receive. From an early age I prided myself on being strong and independent and able to take care of myself.
Just to be clear, these are great qualities to have – if they are in balance with other receptive and more feminine qualities. When it came to someone buying me dinner, surprising me with flowers, saying “I love you” to me, or even talk about providing a home for me – I would feel guilty, like I was taking something away, or fearful that I would owe him something. I didn’t know how to accept what was being offered with appreciation and gratitude.
The result? I scared off the loving and giving guys that really wanted to support me and attracted the opposite.
A relationship, of any kind, is a two way street. If someone is giving, someone has to receive it, too.
Personally, I love to give. It feels great to have my gift accepted. When it isn’t accepted graciously (or at least with a gracious “no, thank you”) it feels yucky. What I’ve finally come to realize over these last few years is that other people love to give, too. It makes people happy to know that what they are doing is appreciated – especially, in romantic relationships. This realization has allowed me to graciously accept the love and generosity given to me in all kinds of relationships, and has allowed me to finally attract a man that loves to support and give to me as I love to support and give to him.
The energy exchange of giving and receiving is like breathing. It’s cyclical just like the inhalation and the exhalation. If you only exhale then you don’t have any breath to keep exhaling with. If you only inhale then you don’t have space to take in any more oxygen. Without continuously doing both, you die. It’s the same with the energy of a relationship – without the back and forth flowing energy of giving and receiving the relationship will wither.
Here’s a quick breathing and mantra meditation that helped me with the ability to receive:
Sit comfortably with an elongated spine and begin by just focusing on your breathing. Take in a full inhalation allowing the rib cage and abdomen to expand and a full exhalation allowing all the air out of the lungs. Continue in this way and notice your breathing slow down and becoming fuller and deeper.
On the inhalation silently say the mantra – I open myself fully to receive love.
On the exhalation silently say the mantra – I open myself fully to give love.
Continue for as long as you like. Gradually you can shorten the mantras to be just “receive and give,” or release the mantras altogether and just be in the feeling space of receiving and giving.
Learning to receive as much I give allowed me to have great relationships with my family and friends, become totally debt free and live abundantly, and to attract a partnership that leaves me feeling energized and inspired. My deepest desire is that you attract a partnership that does the same for you.
I’d like to hear from you, in what ways and areas of your life would you like to be to able to receive more? Please leave your comments!