How To Find Love In Modern Times
Ever Wonder How To Find Love In These Changing Times?
It seems as if dating trends are as ever-changing as social media and technology and it can be downright frustrating to keep up with. If all you want is to find love, then why does it even matter if Facebook is creating a dating app, what ghosting is, or, wait, what now?
Hear me out. If you’re ready to find love, soulmate love, then what is trending in society overall absolutely affects how you could meet and connect with a potential mate. And if you have yet to find the love you want by any other means thus far, then perhaps it’s time to try dating again with a new perspective.
With an overall trend in more absorption in technology, which really gives singles the potential to meet far more dates, but less in-person connection outside of work, business, and networking related activities – it’s even more crucial to have a plan for dating deliberately if you’re serious about finding love.
So here are my top 4 tips for dating deliberately in these evolving times so you can cut to the chase, find the love you want, and stop wasting your time dating the wrong people (or not dating at all):
Have Clarity About What You Want To Find In Love
You may have heard me mention this a time or two, or three. Being as clear as you possibly can about the love you want to find, the relationship you are seeking, and what your goals are further down the road will save you a heap of potential heartache. Clarity on values, goals, personality traits, and what makes you generally tick is far more important than height, eye color, and charm.
Why does clarity matter so much? Picture this. You’ve been dating someone for a few weeks, perhaps months, and it’s going awesome. You get along perfectly, have fantastic chemistry together, and are dating exclusively together. You’re so excited to be in a relationship with someone this amazing finally.
Then he drops a bomb. He mentions how much he loves the current President. And you happen to loathe the current President. And you pretty much know from then on that any discussion about politics or current events is going to lead to one significant disagreement after another. And your feelings about this issue is about much more than political affiliation; it’s about what you truly value as a person. And this man you were falling in love with happens to appreciate the opposite. So you end the relationship and are left heartbroken.
So you see why it’s imperative that you’re clear now? Whatever you think of anyone in office, whether you care about current events or not, or whether or not you’d like to simply go live in a tiny house in the forest away from all of it – you need to find love that wants the same things you do.
And with the ability to meet so many more people now with social media and online dating, it’s all the more crucial to have that clarity from the start.
Do the Online Dating Thing
Before you gag at the thought of an annoying dating app that asks you to swipe left or right, I have to say that I met my husband online. Actually, I met him the second time online after he didn’t approach me when he saw me in person. So naturally, I’m biased and also a big proponent of online dating.
Here’s my quick pro list of why I think dating online is so awesome (even if you swear you won’t find love online as I did):
You can meet way more people online than in real life, no matter how social you are.
Terrific people that make great partners might be uncomfortable approaching other cute people in person but are more comfortable doing so online.
You can find out a lot of the essential values immediately by their profiles before getting heavily involved – or even agreeing to a coffee date.
If you’re doing dating apps, skip the hookup sites and the freebie apps entirely. They are time wasters and, in my experience, people that are serious about finding real love will be on a relationship based, paid site. Here’s a helpful list of sites you can skip.
And online dating doesn’t just have to be about dating sites or apps. I recently spoke with a couple that met on LinkedIn. For real! And I had a client that met her now-husband because he was a fan of her blog, which turned into a collaboration together, which turned into courtship, and then marriage. I’m completely serious.
People can meet on Facebook, Instagram, or any other place where you can send each other a message.
Oh, and one last word about online dating. It’s just a means for meeting people, not carrying on with a relationship. Use online dating simply as a way of introduction but then make it a real-life date as soon as possible.
Get Out, Enjoy Life, Meet People
As much as I’m a proponent of using online dating as a tool for meeting new people nowadays, I’m just as much an advocate for getting out of the house doing things you love while interacting with others, too.
Check back in with those values and goals that you got clarity on before and challenge yourself to get out to an activity related to one of those at least once a week. Take a class. See live music. Go to a book signing event. Try out a spiritual center. Talk to cool people. Have conversations. Exchange numbers. Keep in touch.
Because you’ll enjoy yourself, have a life, enrich your soul, you might laugh or smile or cry, you might meet your new best friend, you might encounter the friend of the cousin of your soulmate. Who knows and who cares?
You’re doing it merely because you’re not waiting for Prince Charming to come along to live your life first. You’re doing it because you’re living from your soul.
Don’t Settle For Hanging Out or Hookups
With all the technology, the social media, the swiping left and right, the streaming, the instant gratifications, and shorter attention spans it’s even more critical than ever to hold out for the love and the relationship you really want.
With all of the trappings and disconnect that come with modern conveniences, casual and empty relationships based on nothing more than hanging out or hookups will ultimately feel more soul-draining than ever.
Because there is such an easy, built-in mechanism technologically for emotionally unavailable people to move on to the next hot thing and cowardly avoid commitment after having their way first, it’s all the more vital that you solidify healthy boundaries – physically, emotionally, spiritually – for yourself from the start.
If you’re dating to find the love of your life, then do so from the beginning. If you know you want a family, say it from the start. If you only share your body with a committed partner, then declare that from the beginning.
Yes, you might scare some emotionally unavailable types off. Good. You know who will love it? Your soulmate.
These are the four most significant tips that I believe will help you get straight to the love you want while dating in this modern age. By committing fully to even one of them, let alone all four, you will discover that dating to find the love you want will not only be so much smoother but also so much more enjoyable.
Did you like these tips? Want more?