Breaking the Cycle: Attracting the Same Type of Man Over and Over
Tired of attracting the same type of man?
“You become mature when you become the authority of your own life.” – Joseph Campbell
First Things First: Self Blame vs. Taking Responsibility
Now that you’re ready and want to attract real love in the form of a soul mate partner, no doubt you’re making many discoveries that shed some light on how the choices you’ve made – consciously or not – has led to the relationships you’ve had. You may be feeling down on yourself about that or blaming yourself.
On any personal growth or spiritual journey you will continually evolve, change, and grow because you’re always learning. The first step is to drop any self-blame. Instead decide to now take responsibility for the things you’re attracting into your life.
When you take responsibility for the relationships you’ve attracted it makes you a co-creator. You’re no longer a victim, these are not things just happening to you. You co-created them and you can co-create the better and more evolved relationships, too!
You’re Attracting Him or You’re Attracted To Him? Both
Make no mistake, whenever you’re repeatedly attracting a particular type of person into your life you are also attracted to him – even if it’s subconsciously. This is another way of taking responsibility – acknowledging that you were just as attracted to that relationship as the other person was regardless of who pursued whom.
So if the relationship had obvious flaws, some you might have even dealt with before, then how could you be attracted to that again?
Here’s my take: whenever we are attracted to a particular type of person there is some benefit we are receiving from being with someone who has those characteristics. Dig deep, whether it’s in meditation or by journaling, and find out what those benefits are. It may be some form of receiving pleasure or some form of avoiding pain. You may be surprised at what you find out.
For example, say you keep attracting emotionally unavailable men that don’t have their act together (a common dilemma). Some of the benefits that you may unknowingly be receiving from such a relationship could be: you’re not ready to get your act together yourself and you can just be safe with him, you feel worthy perhaps even more than worthy to be with him, you feel secure with him because he needs you for support, you can be “in charge” in the relationship and he’s fine with that, you don’t have to feel too invested or scared of getting your heart broken because he isn’t your dream man anyway. And so on – maybe these apply to you, maybe not. There could be a number of other benefits one gets from that situation.
Again, this isn’t about self-blaming but about taking responsibility.
What are you getting out of being with the type of man you keep attracting? Don’t sugar coat your answers (mine were far from pretty, much like the examples above) but rather take responsibility for mistakenly believing you needed those things for so long.
Your future self will thank you!
The Law of Attraction: You Attract What You Are
This one can be tough to hear/read, but if you’re going to take responsibility then it must be looked at. We attract the energy that we are.
An additional step to taking responsibility would be to ask yourself the question, in what ways have I been like these types of men?
And then work on changing that. If you no longer needed the benefits you discovered from the last step – what would you be attracted to instead? And, what kind of woman would you be instead?
You’re Already Breaking the Cycle
Chances are if you read this and are open to honestly exploring these questions you’re already breaking the cycle of getting into relationships with this type of person again. Heck, even the fact that you acknowledge you’re now ready for real, mature, mutual, soul mate love is re-wiring the way you view dating, love, and relationships.
It’s no longer a chance thing – an attraction sparked by some external force.
Your love is now deliberate and you’re the co-creator (along with Source).